Q Hello Auntie, thanks for taking my email because I have a problem I hope you can help with, kanala.
The gemors is with my daughters and it’s tearing our family apart.
My one daughter, “Debra”, was married to this guy, “Andrew”. But about five years ago my other daughter “Louna” got pregnant with Andrew.
Now Auntie can mos just imagine the popo really hit the fan when all this came out.
When Andrew left Debra to shack up with Louna, things got even worse.
My kids were very close growing up, so this mess is moerse tough.
Debbie had a total breakdown and obviously my hubby and I were there to help and support her. She also totally cut her sister out of her life.
Me and the husband have seen Louna, but obviously, we were not very involved because we are very disappointed in her and really don’t smaak that Andrew guy.
Louna and Andrew are still together and now have two laaities. I really love my grandchildren.
The thing is, Auntie, when it comes to family visits and holidays, we always give Debra preference.
I know Louna feels terrible, and she thinks I chose Debra over her and maybe even that I’m punishing her kids because of the past.
Now I sometimes feel like a swak mommy because I don’t approve of that marriage.
Meanwhile, Debra is now also engaged and Louna thinks that if her sister even has kids, then I will choose them over hers.
Louna says she knows what she did was wrong, but she wants us to forgive her.
Auntie, I just can’t bring myself to get over the hurt she has caused in our family.
What must I do?
A Jinne girl, this really is a big family drama.
Can you imagine, a person getting knocked up by her sister’s hubby? That’s mos a guaranteed nightmare for everyone, including you as a mommy!
So let’s try and tackle this arrige situation stuk vir stuk.
First off, Auntie doesn’t think you are “punishing” Louna.
While you are apparently giving Debra first choice for certain events, you say you do spend time with Louna and your grandchildren.
That’s not really a straf, it’s just operating in the harsh reality of the situation.
Auntie can sommer hear you love your grandkids, and it seems like you are not projecting your gevoelens for Andrew onto the little ones.
So unless you are not telling Auntie things like you are missing their birthdays or something big, I don’t think you have to feel worried about Louna’s fears that you will favour Debra’s children in the future.
Of course, we can understand Louna paaping about this - as you say, you do not approve of what she did and that she is still with Andrew.
Louna needs to realise that however you are behaving and treating the situation is not a punishment, it is a consequence of her actions.
You just make sure that you are a good ouma to those laaities, and her fears will go away sooner or later.
Auntie just wants to say one last thing. While there’s no excuse for what Andrew and Louna did, you are going to have to handle the situation.
You don’t have to approve of things, but don’t make it worse.
If you are constantly talking about it, stop it. After five years, Auntie is sure they know how you feel. They don’t need to hear it all the time.