Q Dear Pearl, I hope you can help me. I feel like such a vark. And I am one.
I have been cheating on my girlfriend for almost a year.
My skelmpie is someone I used to work with. I also sometimes use dating apps to pick up a los stukkie.
The thing is, my girlfriend is wonderful and I love her.
What must I do?
From James the Joller
A Ag please man, James. Cry me a river…
Don’t come here with krokodil trane and think for a second that this Auntie is going to feel sorry for you.
En wie de donner can believe your claims that you love your girlfriend after that confession?
Sorry my boy, but I agree, you are a vark, and by the way, James, just because you admit you’re a joller does not make it better.
So here is what you are going to do: You are going to break up with your girlfriend.
The bottom line is that she deserves someone a hell of a lot better than you.
You are already a vark, so don’t be a coward as well – tell this poor girl what you have been doing behind her back.
She deserves to know the truth, and that she’s not to blame for your vuil maniere.
When you are eensaam en alleen, sit and think about your sondes.
Leave the vroumense for a while, and find out why you have this need to cheat.
Take a long, hard look at your life and hopefully you will realise just how vieslik you are being.
A person mos doesn’t go around just sleeping with every girl he can get. Sies!
On the upside, it’s clear to Auntie that you do want to change.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step to getting better.
So delete those dating apps and while you’re at it James, go get yourself tested for STIs and HIV.
And of course, your meisie (soon to be ex) should do the same.