Q Dear Pearl, I’m 30 years old and have been dating this guy for about three months now. I love him very much; he treats me like a queen.
Let me start from the beginning. When my mother was still a girl, just 16 years of age, she got pregnant with me. Because she was still young and couldn’t take care of me, she decided to take me to my father’s house and my grandmother took care of me.
I didn’t know my mother until 2008 when my grandmother passed away. Since then we started talking and I visit her once or twice a year.
We really didn’t have that bond, and I have now also found out that I have two younger sisters.
On Sunday 21 October, I went to visit my boyfriend and my mother was also there. So it happened that she is dating my boyfriend’s dad, who is the father of my younger sister.
Now I’m confused because it means his dad is my stepdad, and he is my half-brother.
My mother and his father say we should stop seeing each other, but we both don’t want to because we love each other. Please help.
From Confused Lady.
A Sjoe girl, if Auntie didn’t know any better, I’d think I was reading the plot of a soapie! Just as I was getting a warme gevoel op die hart about you reconnecting with your mother, you come with the curveball of her dating your berk’s father!
And that’s on top of the revelation of your two other sisters.
Auntie se kop is sommer spinning. That’s a bigger twist than a M. Night Shyamalan movie.
We can all understand why you are so “confused”.
First, let Auntie just clear up that there is no physical or moral issue with you dating your berk and your mom dating his father.
There is also no blood relation between you and your boyfriend, so he not your half-brother, and neither is his father your stepdad, not unless he marries your mother.
However, your berk is your sister’s half-brother.
So if your mom marries this man, you will technically be dating your step-brother.
This really is a situation worthy of a soapie!
Some people, like your mother and her berk, will have a problem with this situation as it’s way too complicated and the players are way too closely related. It could become a problem trying to explain this situation to someone, and worry about what people will say.
It sounds like it’s a all or nothing situation – either you break up with your berk, or your mom breaks up with hers.
You grew up without a mother, and from the sounds of it, also not really with a father, since your granny was taking care of you.
Is this the life you want for your younger sister? Wouldn’t you rather see her be happy with a mother and a father?
Maybe you just have to be a kwaai big sister and do what is best for the whole family.
Auntie is not saying it is going to be easy, but the right thing to do seldom is.
Of course, you always have the option to refuse to give up on your love and to keep dating your berk.
It’s going to be awkward, but technically there is nothing wrong with your relationship.
You are not a deurmekaar teenager anymore, you are an adult woman, and it sounds to Auntie like you have your head screwed on right and that you are responsible and mature.
The best thing is to do some serious soul searching, take a look at the big picture, take an even harder look at your relationship with your boyfriend, and then do what you feel is right.
Is he someone you could spend the rest of your life with? Is dating your future step-brother and all that awkwardness worth it?
Then it’s going to be time to sit the whole family down and have a heart-to-heart.
If you decide to break up, you at least have a mommy to console you; and if you decide to stick with your berk, Auntie is sure
love will smooth over the awkwardness.