Q
Hello Auntie Pearl, there’s a situation brewing in my family.
I recently got engaged, and I am planning on not inviting my parents to the wedding.
I am 23 years old, but as a child my mother abused my emotionally and my father abused me physically.
I moved out of the house as soon as I could.
I didn’t speak much to my family as a teenager, I left the house for college and never went back.
I kept in touch with my sister all the time, and even though we’ve had our ups and downs, she has forgiven me.
We chat and I want her at the wedding.
But even though I am not talking to my parents, my sister still does, so they know about it.
I don’t want them there.
They do not know who I am, they do not know my fiancé, and they have no idea of what’s going on in our lives.
Wie is hulle om nou te wil kom party, eating my food and drinking my wine?
The first time they contacted me in years was to bitch about the wedding and why didn’t they get an invite.
If they wanted to use this opportunity to try and reconnect, I might have reconsidered, but this does not seem to be the case at all.
They did not even say sorry.
My hubby-to-be agrees that I should not invite my parents, but my sister thinks I should.
Nou is my kop heel deurmekaar, because I don’t want them there, but a little voice inside is making me feel guilty.
They are my parents after all. Will I regret not inviting them?
From Sophie.
A
My dear, Auntie has no clue as to what you will regret in the future and what not.
But what we all know is that weddings are a time of love and celebration.
They are also times of families coming together to share a happy occasion.
With that said, this is YOUR special day, and if there is anything that has the potential to ruin it, then you have a right to keep it away.
Auntie is all about keeping families together, but it’s difficult to excuse abuse of any shape or form.
What really gets me die moer in is that your parents have not tried to reconnect or apologise in all these years since you left their house, but now want to come and get kwaad because you didn’t invite them to your big day.
You know what, Sophie, just because you are their flesh and blood does not mean you owe them anything.
A parent’s duty is to love and protect their child, to set a good example, to help them grow, to guide them in life.
It seems you got nothing of this in your house.
You have built a good life for yourself without their help (which they never even offered), so stay strong and move forward, not backward.
And when you are married, you are mos getting a new family!
Good luck, hartjie, and happy wedding.