Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I have a five-year-old child from my first real relationship of eight years.
For the past eight years my baby daddy has been coming and going as he pleases.
Last September I decided that I no longer see myself in a relationship with a guy who comes and goes and acts as if nothing happened.
I then started hanging out with my old friends and I became really close with one of my male friends, who was living with his ex-girlfriend’s mother for the sake of his kid.
In the beginning the ex-girlfriend’s mother didn’t have a problem with us spending time together and our kids got along very well.
She treated me well and even called to ask where I am, if she hasn’t seen me over weekends.
Over the past week she has changed a lot and came to the point of bad mouthing me by people in our road, but yet she was the one who insisted I come there.
But now I’m being judged by people who I basically grew up with because she - the ex-girlfriend’s mother - threw the guy out and the good person my mother is, gave him a place to stay until he gets a place to live.
A
Jinne girl, this is such a deurmekaar mess of story Auntie’s struggling to understand who’s whose ex, and who’s living with whose mammie!
So the gist of the story is - you’ve got a morsige baby daddy, a five-year-old laaitie, your new stukkie is staying under your mammie’s roof (because clearly she’s a bleddie saint) and this other morsige antie is rekking her bek about you to almal.
Now for any person this would be a whole lot of crazy to juggle, and I must say meisie, you sound as cool as a cucumber.
So what are we going to do about all this madness?
First things first, your child needs to stay top priority never mind what is happening around you.
Your laaitie needs to feel safe, loved, know you are there, know you are making him/ her the top priority; and their health, safety and future should be your number one concern.
Now this baby daddy, is he darem paying papgeld, and taking care of his child’s emotional and physical needs?
Or does he just waltz in and out of the child’s life as well?
Your child needs a good father figure or no father figure, and you need to sit down this ex of yours and explain this to him and come up with a plan - and you make sure he provides financially for this kid.
It takes two to tango, and if he wants to call himself this laaitie’s father then he’d better start acting like one otherwise he was just a sperm donor and he can voetsek!
And as for the new stukkie who was living by his ex-girl’s mother - meisie ignore that lady who is bad mouthing you.
Ja, ja, it’s easier said than done, but be the better woman and turn the other cheek, jy skuld mos nou niks vir daai vrou nie, so just ignore her.
Sy’s mos niks van jou nie.
And why is this new berk moving from house to house?
Think twice before this gets serious because why can’t he sort himself out and find his own place to stay?
Hy’s mos ’* groot man, not a child.
Your mammie is very sweet and generous for giving him a place to sleep when he was down and out, but enough is enough, die man moet leer om op sy eie voete staan.
And do you really want another slapgat, good for nothing ou in your life who appears to need a woman to take care of him?
I don’t think so meisie.