Q Dear Auntie Pearl, there is a thing in my family that keeps growing and growing and I honestly don’t know anymore.
So here’s the thing right, my berk and we are planning on getting married on Christmas day and we are not inviting his parents to the wedding.
We are both 26 and he was abused by his uncle as a child and his parents never believed him, even to this day.
And when he came out as gay to them it was also a whole story and they feel it’s just a phase. I mean really now...
So Auntie, he moved out years ago and he doesn’t even speak to his family a lot but now they want to come to the wedding and he says no, he doesn’t want them there.
And honestly I don’t know how I feel about it.
They don’t approve of our wedding and they have no idea of what’s going on in our lives.
Wie is hulle om nou te wil kom party and eat my food and drink my wine?
Dit maak sommer my bors warm. I don’t need this kind of bad vibes in my life, Auntie.
I only met them once and all they did was say bad things about our hairstyles (I’m a trainee hair stylist, I must admit we both had some mal hare that time), so I can just see them at the wedding being full of comments and dinge about how we are doing things.
My kop heel deurmekaar. A little voice inside is making me feel guilty. They are his parents.
My parents are wonderful and love us both as sons.
My mom says we should do what makes us happy.
What should I do, Auntie? Will we regret not inviting them?
A My dear S, Auntie is no fortune teller, so I have no clue as to what you will regret in the future and what not.
But what Auntie can tell you is that weddings are a time of love and celebration. They are also times of families and of coming together.
That being said, sweetness, this is YOUR special day, and if there is anything that has the potential to ruin it, then you have a right to keep it away.
Like you said, you don’t need these kind of bad vibes in your life.
Auntie is all about keeping families together, but it’s difficult to excuse abuse of any shape or form. It sounds like your hubby-to-be has had it really rough with his family.
What really gets Auntie de moer in is that they don’t approve of you two as a couple, or of their grown-up son’s choices and sexuality. Sies vir hulle!
It sounds like there have been opportunities for them to connect with you guys, but that they have chosen to act like kinners, commenting about your hair, and not talking about what’s really bothering them.
You know what hartjie, just because they are flesh and blood does not mean their son owes them anything.
A parent’s duty is to love and protect their child, to set a good example, to help them grow, to guide them in life. It seems your fiancé received nothing of the kind in his house.
You two have built a good life for yourself without their help, so stay strong and move forward, not backward.
Maybe have one last talk with your berk and see how he feels, and rope in your parents for more guidance and advice – they sound like kwaai mense and Auntie is glad you both have them as a support system.
And when you are married, you are mos getting a new family!
Good luck, and happy wedding.