Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I met this boy six months ago.
He says he is madly in love with me, but he really doesn't make me happy.
Everyone says he’s kwaai, but I want to dump him, Auntie. He makes me feel naar when I’m with him.
I can’t explain it. Something is off and it’s like I’m the only one that is seeing it.
The problem is I don’t know how to do it, how to leave him, and I’m scared he’s going to hurt me. He’s tried to before.
And he can be very mean when no one is around.
I’ve wanted to do this for a long time now because I’m not happy, but then every time I don’t. What should I do?
A My dearest sweetest AL, Auntie feels for you. Truly and honestly.
So many young girls and even adult vrouens are too scared to leave their partners because they feel scared and that they will be threatened with violence.
That’s not right, and that’s not a reason to stay in a bad relationship, AL, that’s mos not the kind of life you want to live.
Jy moet besluit; tot hier toe en nie verder nie!
No one else can make this decision for you.
If a guy wants to make you kots in jou mond then there’s mos groot [email protected], daai’s mossie love nie.
That’s sh!t waiting to happen.
Here’s what your Auntie suggests: Tell a close tjommie or a trusted family member that you want to end the relationship, but are scared that this boy may hurt you.
If you feel he might become abusive towards you - and this includes physical, sexual, emotional, mental and financial abuse - then you should speak up and do something.
The important thing is DON’T keep quiet, meisie. This is the one time in your life where you should definitely rek your bek.
You only have one precious life, AL, don't waste your time on this guy if he’s not for you.
No matter what other people see in him or say about him, you must trust your gut, and if you feel he’s a pretender, then los hom.
If you are scared of physical violence, think of creating a safety plan first, especially if you have children.
Identify a safe place, like a room with a lock, or a relative or a neighbour’s house.
Let them know that their job is to stay safe; not to protect you.
Arrange a signal with a neighbour, family member or friend when you need help, and plan for the safest time to get away.
Know where you can get help, AL.
You can contact POWA on 011 642 4345 for a list of safe spaces near you because Auntie doesn't know where exactly you are.
FAMSA (Family And Marriage Society Of SA) is also great because they can give you counselling over the phone on 011 975 7106/7.
You can also call LifeLine who has anonymous, confidential and accessible telephonic information, counselling and referrals in all 11 official languages – their number is 0800 150 150.
Another option is to tell him to come to your house when your dad, tjommie or someone else is there – that way, as hy try om iets aan jou te doen, there’s someone to help you.
You can also go to a public place like a coffee shop and break up with him there.
Make 2021 your year, AL. Be brave. En drink jou naar pilletjie.