Growing up, I enjoyed Jackie Chan and Jean-Claude van Damme a great deal, but in my mind, none of them could outshine Steven Seagal.
This was before I became a movie snob, OK, so please don’t judge me.
I loved his conservative fighting style.
He was always so light-footed and looked like he put zero effort into causing the villains some grievous bodily harm.
It’s what got me interested in the martial art of Aikido, because I liked the idea of not having to put so much effort into defending myself.
On the other hand, I was never a fan of Dennis Rodman, largely because well, I’m not sure I know what he does for a living, besides imitating a tattooed human pincushions.
For the past two years, he has been the poster-child of unconventional diplomacy, being the only mutual acquaintance of North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump; and who’s on friendly terms with both.
But last week, Seagal took over that role, when Vladimir Putin appointed him as Russia’s special envoy to the US.
He is a citizen of both countries, after Russia gave him a passport in 2016, the same year of Trump’s election victory.
Hold on just a minute, now!
All three of these men had reality TV shows; all three tried their hands at acting and eventually failed miserably; all three have had multiple wives; all three have faced sexual assault charges and allegations over the years; and both Rodman and Seagal call Trump a friend, whose presidential ambitions they endorsed in 2016.
Never mind my disappointment in my childhood action hero, but what’s going on here?
Do I smell another Trump conspiracy?
Or is the world’s safety in the hands of three narcissistic idiots, who have bumbled their way onto the world’s most precariously powerful political stage?