You have to hand it to John Steenhuisen.
The over-achieving DA leader hasn’t let his solitary matric qualification stand in the way of landing a top job in politics.
Now, John is pursuing a new career – war correspondent.
As we speak, our intrepid field reporter is in the Ukraine, covering the Russian invasion.
Why the hell... you ask?
“In the era of fake news and propaganda, this is the only way to truly know what is happening,” said the opposition leader.
He was questioned why visit a “white” war zone – not trouble spots here in Africa or Palestine.
And he was accused of wasting money on a “fact-finding mission” that is none of his business.
John hit back: “Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is not a European problem, it is a global problem.
“The knock-on effect of this war on our own fuel, maize, cooking oil and fertiliser prices will reach deep into the pockets of poor South Africans who can already not make ends meet.
“We dare not pretend that this is a war that has nothing to do with us.”
Undeterred, our war hero continued to post piece-to-camera videos on social media, reporting on his meetings with Ukrainian government and Ukrainian business leaders, as well as Ukrainian students and Ukrainian citizens in the Ukrainian capital, Kyiv.
His investigations will likely confirm all our suspicions that there is indeed a two-month-old siege in the country, which has reportedly cost the lives of over 3000 Ukrainians. It’s NOT fake news.
Thanks for that, John.
Hope you don’t mind taking a few pointers from an old newspaper hack, while you’re over there, “on the ground” and all.
When you’re done interviewing all of Ukraine, don’t forget to chat to some Russians too. You know, to get “both sides of the story”. Don’t forget, OK?
All of this will be good prep for when you return home and start your next fact-finding mission: the gang wars on the Cape Flats.
We salute you, John. Safe home.