-- All I really, really want for Christmas is a brand-new pair of balls for President Cyril Ramaphosa.
A set of solid steel nuts to help him take this country by the scruff of the neck and ruk it reg.
No more Mr Nice Guy, no more playing to the crowd and the money men.
Make the tough decisions.
If SAA needs to be privatised, do it.
If Eskom bosses are failing the country and are full of excuses, fire them.
If senior politicians in your inner circle are caught embezzling PPE tender funds, have them arrested.
If Jacob Zuma loyalists cause civil unrest, deploy the army.
But whatever you do, don’t be a draadsitter, do something.
-- People, get vaccinated.
Stop being a bangbroek, it’s only a little prick, it won’t kill you.
Stop listening to and spreading misinformation and conspiracy theories from Fakebook experts.
Stop sharing anecdotes about a colleague’s cousin’s brother-in-law who had some weird reaction and ended up in hospital.
And for heaven’s sake, stop saying “why must I get vaccinated if I can still be infected?”
The vaccine is like a seat belt. It does not prevent car accidents, but it can protect you from hospitalisation and death in case of a car accident. Got it?
It doesn’t allow the virus to thrive in the body and mutate into new variants.
As a nation, we all need to work towards herd immunity. Vaccinations are the best way to achieve this.
No more excuses. Be responsible. Stop putting your community and countrymen at risk.
Get the jab. It’s free.
-- To our local scientists, please – how does one say this politely? – shut up!
You’ve learnt your lesson now.
Proudly announcing to the world that South Africa has discovered this-and-that Covid-19 variant has caused catastrophic damage to the economy.
You will now have realised that the international community is not going to award you a Nobel prize.
They’re going to scapegoat, punish and isolate South Africa – time and again.
Don’t let that stop your good work, please.
Just don’t be so hasty to publish breakthroughs until these discoveries have been thoroughly researched.
Nothing creates more alarm than a headline that reads “New SA variant discovered – may be more transmissible and deadly”.
It may also NOT be more transmissible and deadly. If you don’t know for sure, rather... hou jou bek?
-- To Cricket South Africa, get rid of Graeme Smith and Mark Boucher.
Over the years, they’ve proven themselves to not only be perennial chokers.
But also racist chokers, who, along with AB de Villiers, have denied “brown shit” (players of colour) the opportunity to choke.
This is if the findings of the Social Justice Nation-building hearings are to be believed.
How will fans ever get behind the Proteas again with these guys running the national team?
– All I want for arme Bafana Bafana is not to lose hope.
Hugo Broos’ new-look team were in touching distance of qualification for next year’s World Cup in Qatar, before being robbed by a diabolical refereeing penalty decision.
Chin up and learn from this, boys.
– Speaking of bad reffing, Munier would like to wish Rassie Erasmus a merry banned Christmas.
Same for Siya Kolisi and the rest of our beloved Bokke. Thanks for another glorious year.
And last but not least, a blessed Christmas to you, dear Daily Voice reader, and your loved ones.