I have previously said that I believe men are generally responsible for most of the social challenges we are facing, especially the violent ones.
If we are not the perpetrators, then it’s our absence as fathers that has such devastating effects on our children that it leads them down the wrong path.
This is especially true on the Cape Flats, where absent fathers are still a common aspect of domestic life.
When I wrote about this two years ago, I encouraged men of conviction to stand up and fill the role of father figures to the children around them, especially the ones in high-risk communities.
My observations were all just based on my own personal experiences, but now there’s some well-researched evidence in the form of a report, titled The State of South Africa’s Fathers.
CRUX: Men becoming more involved in lives of kids
It was published last week by the Sonke Gender Justice NGO and the Human Sciences Research Council, as a way to start a conversation and encourage informed change, but also to change the views that persist about SA fathers.
It is by far one of the most critical pieces of research to emerge in SA to date because it tackles what I consider to be the source of the problem, with possible solutions.
What I like about it even more is that while it used academic justification to contex- tualise our shameful status quo, it also takes a very optimistic view of the progress that has been made and gives hope that the country’s future is currently being moulded by a very involved and present breed of men. I am busy reading the report, but while it is captivating, it is also long and involved, so I haven’t managed to finish it yet.
I plan to write quite a bit about this in future, but for now I thought I would bring you some of the highlights that caught my attention.
One paragraph sums up the intention of the report very neatly: “The aim is not ‘to blame the father’ or coerce them to conform to one model, but rather to understand how men play beneficial or harmful roles in the lives of their children. If it is understood why men make certain decisions with regard to their children, they can be better supported to play more active roles in the lives of their children - whether they live with them or not.”
While I personally blame men for our social problems, the report highlights how our history has played a massive role in why things came to be the way they are.
For example, the report says “ colonial and apartheid powers disrupted many family practices in complicated ways”.
It refers to the way nuclear and extended families used to effectively raise children a long time ago and how those practices were forced to change under colonisers and apartheid. Referring to the variety of domestic cultures on the Cape Flats, the report has this to say: Coloured people “had various ancestors, including slaves brought to South Africa, European settlers, Asians, as well as local African and Khoisan people”.
The point it makes is that many of the admirable domestic qualities that exist within those cultures independently, were twisted, assimilated and ultimately wrecked by the local conditions.
It goes on to say due to the adaptations, many “Coloured people have a marginal economic existence that may have a destabilising effect on family life. Although there might be a preference for nuclear families, more than two generations often live together in one household as an economic survival strategy”.
These are all fascinating truths that contribute to how children are raised and whether their fathers are present in their lives or not.
But the report is one that gives hope that things are getting better and men are showing signs of caring and involvement.
I will leave you with these last few thoughtful quotes from the report: “Although men’s involvement in the lives of their children may not be to the same degree as women, they are in general far more involved in childcare compared to their own fathers. The belief that men are inherently violent or set in their ways has been disproven and their ability to care for others is undeniable.”
That last sentence is especially reassuring, considering that we often read and hear stories of men having perpetrated terrible violence against each other, women and children.