I see some concerning comments on the article I wrote last week about single mothers who use their kids as weapons to get back at their exes.
The story was about a court judgement that forced the mother and grandmother of a little girl to allow her father access to her, or face time in the tjoekie.
Many of the comments agreed that this is a good thing, as children need to see both parents, especially when it comes to fathers who are eager to be involved in their children’s lives.
Quite a few comments came from people who had experienced this first hand.
Men who are going through similar drama, or women who know of such a situation.
But there were also a few worrying comments around maintenance.
Some women thought it was unfair that their exes have access to their child, if he isn’t paying his papgeld.
This is exactly the type of vindictive manipulation that I was talking about in the article.
Whether he pays or not shouldn’t determine whether he sees his child or not.
That is a matter for the adults to sort out face-to-face, or with the help of the courts.
And I’m not arguing that it’s OK for men to dodge their financial responsibility towards their children.
Whether that child is living with you or not, it should always be at the top of your priority list.
There may well be extenuating circumstances for him not paying, or not.
Whatever his reasons are, he is not entirely deadbeat, if he wants to spend time with his kid.
And if your child is physically and psychologically safe, then it must be allowed.
Just because he is different from you and doesn’t parent in the same way as you, doesn’t mean you have the right to keep his child from him.
Because it is really just a smokescreen for your own hatred for him and the fact that your relationship is over.
Or the fact that you simply can’t stand his new girlfriend.
Whatever it is, it is juvenile, cruel and selfish. Grow up!
Because one day your child will; and if you kept them away from a good man simply to get back at him, that child will eventually find out the truth and end up resenting you.
Not to mention the fact that you would’ve sent an emotionally damaged adult into the world.