We’ve just celebrated Women’s Day over the long weekend.
As a woman living in South Africa, I am grateful for all the lovely Women’s Day messages and posts by men on social media.
But quite honestly, I would prefer it if South African males could stop with the flowery posts and rather stop abusing, raping and killing women.
That would be great and more appreciated than messages on Facebook.
Now that I have that off my chest, I’ll tell you what else I wish for my South African sisters.
I wish for the financial oppression and disempowerment of women to stop, and for women to stop accepting the short end of the stick.
Most of us want the conventional happily ever after, but reality sometimes doesn’t play along.
Many women would like nothing more than to walk away from a physically and/ or emotionally abusive relationship, but can’t, as they are financially dependent on their partners.
For those who are not in their situation, it’s very easy to say “she should just leave” but the cycle of physical, emotional and financial abuse doesn’t work that way.
In my opinion, we should stop passing judgement and rather help by assisting and empowering our sisters whenever and wherever we can, so that they may feel more secure and confident about leaving a bad relationship.
On the flip side of the coin, we have women who are informed, empowered and financially dependent.
Yet often, even these independent women let their emotions cloud their judgement.
They lend money to men who they know won’t repay it. They buy these men expensive gifts, in the hope of “keeping him.”
Women sometimes believe the crazy, sad stories men spin, even when that little voice in the back of their heads tells them that something just isn’t right.
They also fall out with family and friends who try to warn them about these men.
It is normally at this time when women fall victim to “financial STDs”.
I have previously written about this, but with it being Women’s Month, I thought it would be a great time to bring it up again.
Financial STD’s refer to sexually transmitted debt - and the effects of these STDs that can linger and negatively affect our lives for many years to come.
I know of women who are still paying off loans for cars, which their now ex- berks and husbands are driving their new girlfriends around in.
Ladies, if you are in a relationship that might lead to marriage, make sure that you know that the default marriage regime in South Africa is “in community of property”.
Marriage in community of property:
This type of marriage normally means what is yours is ours, what is mine is ours and what is ours is ours, all jointly. This may sound like a good thing, but remember this includes debt incurred while you are married, and even debt made before you were married.
In effect this means if one of you goes out and splurges on a credit card, both of you are liable for it.
That expensive fishing rod, those fabulous shoes and the unforgettable boys/girls night out on the card is 100% your responsibility to pay as well!
Even if a debt is incurred solely in your partner’s name while you are married, the creditor (eg. the bank) can go after you for repayment as well.
If your partner cannot pay their debt, you can be held liable for the full amount, not just half or part of it.
If the love of your life has debt from before your marriage, you can also be held liable for that skuld and repayment to the creditors.
This includes all contractual debt and even maintenance and child support from a previous marriage.
When you can’t manage your debt repayments and opt for debt counselling, it will have to be a joint application, even if the one spouse has little or no debt to their name.
Whether married in or out of community of property, there is no use in playing the blame game when your finances hit a rocky patch.
Sebastien Alexanderson, CEO of debt counselling firm National Debt Advisors, explains: “Many couples waste valuable time arguing and proportioning blame to their partners.
“We will find one partner contacting us to go under debt review, while the other partner isn’t interested.
“Yet, when creditors and debt collectors are harassing you for missed account payments, you don’t have the luxury of wasting time.
“You need to acknowledge the situation and find a solution rather than amplify the problem.”
Debt counselling is a registered debt relief option regulated by the National Credit Regulator (NCR) and the rules around over-indebted consumers married in-community-of-property are clear.
Both partners in the marriage must agree to go under debt review, and neither partner will have access to any more credit until all their existing debt is paid up in full.
Everyone wants that fairytale marriage, but we should all take the time to consult with an attorney, a financial planner and/or a debt counsellor before we take the plunge.
Nowadays, we must discuss money with our partners.
In fact, I would suggest that you ask for a copy of your significant other’s credit record before you ask to meet their parents!
Love can be blind but don’t be a victim of sexually transmitted debt. There is no ointment to cure that!
*Moeshfieka Botha is Head of Research and Consumer Education at National Debt Advisors.
For more debt and personal finance information visit www.nationaldebtadvisors.co.za