The new Constitutional Court ruling that outlaws even a reasonable hiding for children at home, has got many parents fuming in angry resistance.
That’s because we come from a social history where getting a hiding was simply part and parcel of growing up.
Most of us are the products of violent child rearing, where we feared the belt when we stepped out of line.
But now we are asking deep and pertinent questions about violence and how we stem the tide.
I have read interesting comments about how we can oppose violence against women, but sanction violence against our children.
There are two ideas I would like you to consider.
The one is the definition of violence.
Most reasonable parents don’t consider spanking their unruly child on the bottom as abuse.
Others argue that if you raise your child properly, then she won’t ever become unruly and therefore there won’t ever be a need for a spanking.
It’s an argument that is littered with pitfalls of grey areas that vary from person to person.
But there is a lot of truth in the fact that today’s child rearing is the feeder for tomorrow’s society.
I read a story in the week about how Japanese rugby fans stayed behind to clean up a stadium after the game, because they are raised to value cleanliness and good hygiene.
It is a good example of how firm, non-negotiable boundaries for kids will result in good adult citizens, with few or no hidings in between.
Remember, our children are the products of our parenting, so you can never say that you didn’t raise your child that way. The fact is, you did!
And lastly, there is an argument that I used to make myself.
We got hidings all the time, and we turned out OK, so what’s the problem?
The answer is intellectual evolution.
We must evolve as a species, because when we know better, we must do better.
To teach him a lesson, I also used to rub my dog’s nose in the wee he made in the house, because that’s what I was taught.
But now I know better. I can simply take him to regular training.
Because I used to get hidings as a kid, I used to give my own kids hidings.
But I am very eager to learn new ways of doing things so that I can become a better person and positively influence those around me.
It’s not easy to admit that we may have been wrong, but if we are going to build a better society for the children we are raising, then it’s imperative that we regularly interrogate our own convictions.
There’s smacking your child because they did something wrong and then there’s asking yourself why they are doing that wrong thing to begin with.
The honest answer may be uncomfortable, but necessary for growth.