Q
Dear Auntie Pearl, I am a single dad with two kids. I have been in a relationship with the perfect girl.
My problem is this: I have been rejected in the past; and because of my baggage I never told my girlfriend I have kids and was married.
My ex went to my girlfriend’s house to tell her family about my past. My ex is a troublemaker and she badmouthed me.
Now my girlfriend’s brother wants me to apologise and says I am not welcome there.
What can I do?
From Nibbles
A
Jinne Mr Nibbles, what a deurmekaar situation you got yourself into.
Auntie already saw moeilikheid coming when you admitted that you never told your girlfriend about your kids and marriage. But this gedoente with your meisie’s family is really morsig!
Let’s tackle one issue at a time.
Firstly, Auntie is assuming that your new girlfriend knows all about the kids by now, her family surely told her.
So you are just going to have to suck it up buttercup, and play open cards with your meisie. From now on, you give her nothing but total honesty, going forward!
Your girlfriend’s family can’t keep her away from you against her will, but Auntie agrees with the brother: you owe them an apology and explanation for keeping such a huge aspect of your life secret.
They must have imagined all sorts of horror scenarios. Perhaps they are now under the impression that you were still married when you started seeing your new girl.
Who knows what lies your ex fed them, so rather play open cards. You don’t have to dis your ex, just tell them why you divorced, and she is apparently not taking it well.
The brother is only looking out for his sister. Can you blame him, what with so many jollers around?
Now if this girlie loves you, she will at least agree to see you again, and give you the opportunity to explain.
Open your heart and let her know why you have kept such a big secret from her.
Agree
Sjoe Nibbles, what did you expect was going to happen in the future?
But let’s not gooi rond accusations, you are looking for solutions.
Auntie will advise you to be honest, and answer all your meisie’s questions.
If she agrees to see you, it means she still has hope for your relationship.
Praat alles uit, including how she feels about you having kids, the possibility of her meeting them (it doesn’t have to be immediately).
If she dumps you because of the kids, she never deserved you in the first place.
If she dumps you because you hid something this huge from her, eish… you will just have to bite the bullet.
No one likes to be lied to and trust is something earned.
If you two manage to mend your relationship, you can talk about her meeting your kids.
They may or may not get along, and you also have to think about the influence of your ex.
Be open with your kids, and ask them to get to know your girlfriend on their own, without the influence of you or your ex-wife.
Auntie hopes you manage to sort it all out.
Let us know how it goes, and if you need more help with your laaities.