The real fuel for the race meets is not the stuff that goes into tanks, it’s those garrulous, fast-talking, spectator-revving voices, the unsung heroes of the track, the Emcees.
Bobby Nitro took a turn to the left this week to chat to two of the Cape’s better-known Emcees, Zaid ‘Uncle Figo’ Kriel, who is originally from Fairways, “but doesn’t laugh with an R” and now resides in Summer Greens; and Patrick Kensley, born in Bellville South but currently in Parow.
Figo has been a commentator at Killarney International Raceway drags for almost nine years. It all started, he says, when he wanted to write an article on Street2Strip back in 2008, then Killarney’s Paul Simon introduced him to the commentary team at that time, consisting of Ernest Page and Fadil Haneville. He was hooked and started learning from the two.
For Patrick, his entry into the MC world kicked off rather spectacularly. It came about after Patrick sent a challenge out to Figo, Mr Loudmouth himself, after Figo’s famous #Bangding challenge, in which he called out for local car celebs to challenge one another over the quarter mile at #RobotRacing.
Patrick changed it up and called Figo out to a commentary challenge. Patrick says: “I thought, let’s make it fun, and call him out at his own game.” Figo accepted and the two faced off, microphones in hand. As legend goes, Patrick launched into a torrent of fluent gail, which left Figo speechless, overcome by the hilarity of the guy. Figo says: “He came at me with something so different, I just couldn’t respond.”
Bobby had some questions for these two masters of the microphone
Bobby Nitro (BN): What qualities do you need as an MC?
Uncle Figo (UF): You need to be a people’s person, to be able to take some abuse from the crowd and just roll with it. I learnt a lot from Victor Pardal in this regard.
Patrick Kensley (PK): An MC is all about crowd control, reading the crowd and making them laugh. Why should it be boring? You need to be a good judge of character. I enjoy making people laugh (said slowly and with intention), it takes away your negativity and stress. If I can make someone smile every day, you know what, kwaai.
BN: Tell us about the #Bangding challenge. What’s it about?
UF
: Well, the #Bangding challenge was an idea to get some of Cape Town’s leading petrolkoppe to challenge one another at #RobotRacing at Killarney. I was called out by Anwar Daniels in an Impreza, and me in my 2004 Subaru Forester, to a drag race on air on GHFM, and I lost by half a car. You already know what happened with the Patrick commentary challenge. But I did call out the Drift City man Gary Stockenstroom and he didn’t pitch, so I won by default. It’s aimed at bringing fun back to drag racing and to have a good laugh.
PK
: It was all about making the racing game exciting, for the spectators, but the authorities didn’t see it that way.
BN
: What’s your dream car?
UF
: I should say dream bike really, a nice Pepsi colour Suzuki GSX-R 750 pre-sling (yes, it’s old) – so if anyone wants to make my dream come true lol. Also, an R34 Skyline GTR vspec would be nice.
PK
: I don’t have a dream car, what is out there I haven’t driven? I drive Lambos, Ferraris, GT-Rs daily, it’s part of my job (un)fortunately.
BN
: What other events do you MC in?
UF: Saldanha, Dr1ft City (hopefully I’m back for 2017), double trouble bike dyno day at Infinity performance, West London private top end drags at Saldanha. Events I’d like to be part of in future are ODI and the national drifting series that visits Cape Town.
PK
: I’ve done Killarney once or twice. Then there was Saldanha Drags, which was amazing fun. Crowd loved it, I loved it, Figo loved it, people talked about it. We walked down the track and interacted with the crowd. Yes, I ripped the s*** out of a few people, but they loved it and respect was still shown to each other. I’ve been invited to do a cancer awareness event in Stellies, also a car show.
BN: Tell us about you guys teaming up now and again?
UF
: Before #Bangding we have been good friends and still are. Patrick has such a positive outlook on life, it can only make you a better person and help to accomplish more. We work very well as a team as seen at Saldanha.
PK
: It’s not about benefits. We’re homies, partners in crime. We understand each other. We can put a twist into everything. With events, if Figo’s not in, I’m not in, simple as that.
BN: The Cape car scene has gone large and busy over the last decade. What’s your comment on our culture?
UF
: Massive steps have been taken and we are still behind international trends, though. But we shouldn’t worry about those and concentrate on our own. There are a few people making a noise about certain events killing off another event (in the drag racing scene) but you need to compare apples with apples... and the attitude of some of these individuals is not welcoming to newcomers, as they talk about how badly they’re gonna beat them.
PK
: Scene has got big, but also attitudes and egos have gone even bigger. Once the guys start losing that ego, you know what, the scene will be pure heaven. I remember back in the day, Wingfield Drags, everyone was friends. Now, there’s too much bickering, moaning about who is better. You know what, there will always be someone faster.
UF
adds: I’d like to thank the City and the WPMC for the #RobotRacing initiative to curb street racing. I thank my wife, Nuraan, for her continued support [during] the late nights and the days I’m away. Thank you for being such a supportive wife. And thanks to my family, friends and sponsors.