Q Dear Auntie Pearl, I have been with my berk now for just over half a year.
We used to get along well, but things have changed.
You see, Auntie, a few months ago I was a bietjie van die pad af, but I have found my religion again.
Also, he doesn’t work and I am the one who provides for the household.
What happens now is that we have fallen into a vicious circle. It starts out where everything is fine. But then slowly he starts with his ou maniere of drink and drugs.
I get gatvol and tune him he needs to clean up and sort out his dinge with the Lord. It’s only when I threaten to pack my bags and leave that he comes to his senses.
Then suddenly he stops with his sins and our relationship is good again.
Do you think I should stay with this guy?
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life going up and down like this.
From Good Girl Geraldine.
A No man, Geraldine. Why are you putting up with this nonsense? Us girls deserve respect, not to carry along a man who just leeches off us.
Yoh, Auntie doesn’t even know where to begin! Let’s not touch on the religious aspect for now, we’ll get to that later.
For a start, this relationship is still brand new. Six months! And already you are providing for this ou? Nee sister, you are being taken advantage of.
It’s pretty clear to Auntie that this vark is only using you to get money to get high and drunk.
Come on Geraldine, open your eyes and acknowledge the pattern that you have actually pointed out so clearly yourself.
Raak wys to what is right in front of you: He is a junkie who is using you for his fix.
Auntie doesn’t even want to know what kind of “fixes” beside dwelm-geld you are giving this guy. Sies.
You are absolutely right that you do not want to spend the rest of your life in this vuil cycle. Unfortunately, Auntie can’t see things getting any better.
An addict who really wants to clean up his act won’t repeatedly slip back to the same old
patterns, week after week.
Daai clean-ups is about as useful as spookasem for dinner.
Sure, a recovering addict might slip off the wagon every now and then, it’s a lifetime struggle, after all. But this ou doesn’t sound like he has any intention of giving up his lelike maniere.
So what are we going to do? Laat Auntie maak wys.
You are a religious meisie, and that’s kwaai. It means you have it in your heart to help this person who is throwing away his life with drugs and dop. But this can also be a slippery slope, and if you are not careful, he will pull you down with him.
So the first thing you need to do is to kick him out. Or you gooi a lange, depending on your living arrangements. But you need to end this relationship.
If you want to help him find religion and clean up his life, you do it as a friend only. In other words, no romance and definitely no sex.
Get him help from drug addiction centres, counsellors, and of course the church. You have to separate yourself emotionally from this guy. Be strong.
And if you feel yourself buckling, then turn to your faith – ask a church leader to give you some guidance.