I haven’t combed or brushed my hair in years.
In fact, I wash my hair once every six weeks when I visit the salon.
And every now and again when the urge takes me in the shower, which isn’t very often at all.
I don’t have any specific reason for this.
I just like being as low-maintenance as possible.
And having a comb just sounds like too much work.
Over the last week, I have been spending more time thinking about my hair than ever before.
I remember as a pikkie that I desperately tried to curl the front bit of my hair.
In fact, there was a time when my fingers were almost always in my hair, twisting and twirling.
You see, I had found a tiny little straight bit in the front and I wanted to accentuate and exploit it to maximum effect.
Just like they showed on TV.
Just like everyone else who wouldn’t admit it openly, I wanted those bouncy blonde curls the white guys had in the shampoo ads.
As a foolish and ignorant young man living in Joburg, I’m ashamed to admit that I once straightened my hair.
I was later convinced that there was no way anything that burned your head THAT much could be any good for you.
My scalp was on fire for the entire 45 minutes, which is just far too much painful labour for me, so I stayed away from that.
Next I tried braided hair extensions, in a variety of colours, which I liked.
That was until someone asked me if that was my real hair.
It gave me pause for thought.
Why was I wearing fake hair on top of my beautiful curls?
And that’s when I decided to do dreadlocks.
Over the years, I have had them short, long, very long, with shells and beads, feathers, head bands and every crazy thing I could think of.
In fact, many people started identifying with me almost purely because of the crazy hairstyles.
Back then, I was doing the breakfast TV show AM2Day on SABC2, and people used to comment that I changed my hair more often than I changed my shirts, which was technically true, but that’s a story for another day.
I chopped the dreadlocks off about five years ago and rediscovered real low hair maintenance.
The natural oils work and the compliments just keep coming.
In fact, I had a guy (yes, he was gay) ask me a couple of years ago what product I use.
I lied and said it’s a secret I was taking to my grave.
So you are the first person I am actually telling the secret to; I don’t wash my hair regularly.
Why am I telling you this? Well, because I want you to think about how our minds have been colonised.
Every aspect of our lives has been seduced by global capitalism.
And it is the sad story of indigenous cultures all over the world.
I know many of you are disgusted that I don’t wash or comb my hair.
It’s because we’ve been slowly seduced and taught that it’s morsig.
So you’ll go back to buying your shampoo and conditioner, probably manufactured by a Swedish company under licence from an American multi-national and distributed by local big business.
What is more morsig?