I haven’t met a coloured of my generation whose parents openly spoke to them about sex. Why is that?
As a result, I was also a victim of this ignorance growing up, having to rely on gevaarlike information from my tjommies who made most of it up, based on their “understanding” of their dad’s Scope magazine. It was dangerous and stupid.
This is still ongoing today, which is why I’m reading about sex videos starring schoolkids making the rounds again.
There are apparently two videos that were filmed at schools in Mitchells Plain. The one is of a 15-year-old girl having sex with the school’s security guard – in the principal’s office nogal! That takes balls.
The other is of a 13-year-old girl having sex with four boys. Yes, I said THIRTEEN years old and I said FOUR boys. She’s barely out of nappies and already she has outperformed Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.
There are the obvious arguments, like sexually transmitted infections and teen pregnancy.
But let’s set that aside and look at the fact that school girls allow themselves to be used and abused like this.
It’s the start of a dangerous cycle for them and the boys who use them like this.
We shouldn’t have serious conversations with our girls only, but also with our boys. It must be conversations about respect for girls and how to treat them because it seems the innocent days of sending your sweetheart an emotional poem that took you all night to write, or a mixtape with all the latest love songs are long gone.
They have swapped the beautiful electricity of “accidentally” touching her hair while carrying her schoolbag, for the kind of Kama Sutra sex most grown-ups don’t even get.
If you are already used to giving your body to boys at the age of 13, what do you do when you’re 18?
And what becomes of our young men who have already had many sexual partners and experiences by that age?
Personally, I had a very straightforward conversation with my eldest son the first time he expressed an interest in a girl.
Yes, I embarrassed him by having the conversation with her as well.
And that conversation became straightforward as he matured.
In fact, he now warns any girlfriend he brings home that she should be prepared for some tough questions from his dad.
I want to know if she has had sex before, if they use contraceptives and which ones, if they have tested for HIV and if they are prepared for an accidental pregnancy.
It was hard at first, because I had no examples to draw from.
No one did it with me, so I never knew if I was doing the right thing in the right way.
But it felt right and over the years it became less uncomfortable.
My son understands that I do it because I love him and I want to protect him as much as I can.
The girlfriends he’s had also learnt what it means to be a responsible adult, parent and sexually-active youngster.
I remember getting into trouble at school for trying to look under a girl’s skirt using a mirror on my shoe.
At 15, just getting to see a girl’s panty was considered a major score. And back then, the adults considered it ougat enough for a hiding.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have that kind of ougat again?