OK, I’m gonna get it out of my system so that hopefully I don’t have to continue fielding tons of irritating mail regarding Jose Mourinho’s switch to Old Trafford.
Of course it hurts… It hurts like losing a beautiful woman to a proper idiot after years of intimacy, it hurts.
I loved Jose… I used to fantasise about nights of gay abandon – if only he would have considered me – I would have done anything for him, my leader.
I dreamt of gently wiping his beautifully plump glutes, stroking his continental hair… straightening his tie as he left for work.
He meant the world to me and now he’s not only gone, but sided with the enemy.
Of course, he’ll always be remembered at the Bridge for the years of glory.
And despite the angry response from Chelsea fans, we’ll all get over it and give him a great welcome when Man United face Chelsea in at Stamford Bridge next time around.
The truth is he didn’t ask to leave, he was sacked. Why wouldn’t he take on such a big job, earn a filthy salary and put himself where he loves to be… centre stage.
He’s a dynamic character and a great coach, United chairman Ed Woodward described him as “simply the best manager in the game today” and that’s possibly true, well, definitely top 5.
He’s a great acquisition for a club in decline.
Despite winning the FA Cup, it’s been a disastrous three years, something Jose was quick to point out during his first presser following the official club announcement.
He has the ability to “turn things around”, but at what price?
Interestingly, during the same press interview, he referred to himself 43 times!
Is this the sort of personality the club wants?
It’s a very conservative institution, the hiring of David Moyes and Louis van Gaal were testament to that, following years of no nonsense with Alex Ferguson.
It’s the biggest club in the world, is this a risk or has there been a U-turn in thinking? And on the pitch, will United return to what is expected of them, by playing attacking football?
Mourinho’s first year at Chelsea saw defensive solidity, a physical core and a single frontman.
It was all about winning games with stylish football and individual flare almost scorned upon.
Very similar in philosophy to LVG, despite the Dutchman not getting the end results.
However, Jose’s second season – and defence of the title – saw the likes of Damien Duff, Arjen Robben, Joe Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips deployed in a free-flowing and attacking formation built on the rock foundation of a defence fronted by Claude Makelele.
Great to watch and hugely successful result-wise.
Do United have the players to help forge a Mourinho side?
I don’t think so, far from it and I reckon the avalanche of transfer speculation since his arrival has some truth to it.
The likes of Bastian Schweinsteiger, Marcos Rojo, Daley Blind, Antonio Valencia and Ashley Young are all in danger of the chop while the “Special One” will no doubt make a number of proven quality marquee signings, funded by a reported £200m budget.
Mourinho’s arrival has not been universally welcomed, though, as club great Eric Cantona said: “In terms of the type of football he plays, I don’t think he is Manchester United.
“Guardiola was the one to take. He is the spiritual son of Johan Cruyff. He is the only one to change Manchester. He is in Manchester, but at the wrong one.”
All said and done, I’d be happy right now if I supported Man U, but I don’t and I’m busy praying that my former heartthrob regrets the moment he decided to take up the offer.